Welcome to the second blog of our 4-part Stress Resilience Series: How to implement realistic strategies to increase and further develop your stress tolerance and resilience.
This week we are talking about shifting your thinking, this is where we will explore the idea of changing out the way we may think about taking care of ourselves, why we need to be more realistic with it and how can you actually implement them into your busy, stress filled lifestyle.
Shifting our thoughts or “changing the goal posts” can used in all aspects of our lives, basically it’s being realistic about what you can and cannot achieve with what you have, while brainstorming how to get there.
For the sake of this series, we are going to talk about “self-care”.
Let’s first dive into “self-care” and why it’s so important. Think of yourself as a little glass of water and every time a stressor happens, you poor a little bit out. Big deadline due, poor some out. Kids are sick, poor some out. You slept like shit, poor some out. Now, for those of us that are in high stress/demanding lifestyles, our cups tend to be always half empty. If we let them get too empty, we then can feel like there’s not enough to go around. This will start to affect relationships, patience levels, agitation levels, frustration tolerance and your overall ability to manage within your day to day life. This is where the “self-care” comes in, every time we do something in regards to self-care, we pour a little bit of that water back into our cups.
For any of you that are in a “caregiver role” (parents, helping others as a first responder etc) you may have heard “you can’t take care of others without first taking care of yourself” now, I believe that’s half true, I more feel it should be “you can’t take care of others WELL, if you aren’t doing something small for yourself” - I like it this way because realistically, we can’t and don’t need to take care of ourselves ALL the time, just enough to make our cups more full.
I’ve said this in one of my last blogs, but every year while I’m teaching at the college, we go over self-care and professional wellness. For some reason, most of us view self-care as these extravagant ways to “replenish our cups” - students will tell me that for self-care they go on vacation, take a sick day, go to the spa etc. While yes, those may be ways to fill your cup, how many of us actually get to go those on a regular basis. What if you are like myself with a complex medical child that you can’t just take a day off, or don’t have sick days and depend on that money for bills, or can’t afford to take $400 a just go to the spa, what do you do then?!?!
This is where shifting your thinking and understanding of what helps you fill your cup. As we know, it may not be realistic for you to go to the spa, but is it realistic for you to take a bath with no kids? - maybe for you it is and for others it won’t be.
In the past with not only clients, but students I have worked with as well as patients, I have taken a look at their lifestyles and tried to help them implement different ways to “fill up their cups” just a bit more than they already are doing. Remember, we aren’t here to take away stress, we are here to help you deal with it better, pushing through the storm and having enough in your cup at the end to keep going.
Some things I have been able to help others implement into their daily practices are as follows:
Mindful Minutes - again these won’t solve all your problems, and sometimes they don’t even help you feel better in the moment. However, what they can do is stop your mind from moving a million miles per second, and put a tad bit of water back in that cup. I have had clients implement this strategy in their cars before going into the office or coming back home at the end of the day. Others have found it helpful right before they eat. Just taking a minute to close your eyes, focus on your breathing and some senses may help just put the mind a little bit more at ease than it was before
Talking to someone that gives you joy - do you have that one person, that just puts a smile on your face. It seems really small, simple and insignificant, but just as physical activity releases endorphins, so does speaking with some one you love. For me, it’s my daughters and my partner. Back when I was working in the emergency department, sometimes those shifts would just be insanely stressful and something that always helped just fill my cup up a bit more was hearing my daughters voices.
Taking a little 5 minute breathing session OUTSIDE - now, there are a bunch of studies out there showing how being in nature can positively effect your mood, as well as utilizing breath work (which we will get into more next blog). Something that has helped with clients, as well as myself in the past is just taking that 5 minutes to be outside and breath. This is an extension of the mindful minute, and doesn’t have to be implemented everyday. In the past, I have had clients do this right before bed, or before coming home after a long shift.
Spending 5 extra minutes in the shower or the bath - Now, this one can be difficult depending on your circumstances. It can feel almost impossible, especially to new mothers, stay at home parents etc, especially when you have a little one running around. In that past, I’ve used this one with clients, put on their favourite music (something relaxing but upbeat works as well) and just “be” in the bath or shower. If you have a partner, older kids, sometimes a timer helps for them to just leave you be.
Quick “micro” exercise sessions - remember last blog where we talked about 20 minutes a day being enough, well that’s were this comes in. Increase your heart rate, release some endorphins and help boost that mood - again not ALWAYS doable, but sometimes is.
Something to think about, is combining a few of these to make them more efficient. I had a client where I would program them mini-outdoor micro exercise sessions, nothing more than 15 minutes, a little body weight circuit to get the blood flowing followed by some breath work. This takes 2 of the 5 suggestions and puts them into one.
Remember: you have to find what will help for YOU. - as a coach, it’s my job to help you identify those strategies that could be helpful in filling your cup while also helping you find ways to implement them. Again, not to say that taking a vacation, sick-day or spa-day aren’t good things, they just aren’t realistic in terms of daily practice.
Final reminder: we aren’t doing this to stop you from feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and some of the things we implement for filling your cup won’t even make you feel better in the moment. The goal is more about taking accumulative steps and daily actions to boost your ability to manage effective and bounce back from stressful situations - both for yourself and others you care about.
Like, follow us on social media for more realistic helpful tips and stay tuned for part 3 of this series next week - Breath Work